


Much Ado on Capitol Hill

by laughter_is_medicine



Category: Veep
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughter_is_medicine/pseuds/laughter_is_medicine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Egan and Amy Brookheimer hate each other. Everyone knows this much. But what happens when Selina's administration decides otherwise? Shit storms ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fuck Dan Egan

“Well, I’m really not surprised Dan. After all you fucked her and left the next morning like the colossal ass you are” Amy Brookheimer stated while searching through her Blackberry for possible Selina scandals. Selina Meyer was like a one night stand, but kept texting the next day to make sure you had a good time kind of woman. Sure, she was talking about her boss and the President of the United States, but Selina hadn’t managed to read her thoughts just yet. 

_Yet._

She rolled her eyes when trying to deal with the fuckwad who insisted to keep bugging her about his latest conquest, secretary to Senator Harding he added, who wouldn’t return any of his phone calls from the previous night.

Dan took a swig of his coffee and swallowed hard. “That’s not the fucking point, Ames. The point is she _knowingly_ isn’t returning my calls just because I want to discuss this bill with Senator Harding. I mean, does she have any manners?” Dan shook his head and took out his phone, making sure he didn’t miss any potential phone calls from his one hit wonder.

Amy turned and gave Dan a confusing look. Really? It wasn’t bad enough that she had to listen to all of his griping about girls who refused to call him back but she also couldn’t believe his arrogance.

Alright, so that wasn’t really true. His arrogance was pretty hard to miss just like his caterpillar eyebrows. I mean, what the fuck is he pulling with those furry ass things? This was all just too much at 8:30 in the morning.

“Ah, right manners. I’m surprised you even know the definition of that word.” Amy took another look to her phone and the next shit just hit the fuck.

“Fuck! Listen, I really don’t have time for your high school melodrama bullshit. Later.” She left without another word, running as fast as her kitten heels would take her to save this campaign.

“Oh, sure Amy. Leave me in my time of need!” Dan called out, almost chuckling at the thought.

Amy growled and raised her middle finger out behind her.

Seriously, FUCK Dan Egan.


	2. Fuck Amy Brookheimer

Dan watched as Amy strutted off towards the oval office. He smirked and continued to search through his phone coming up with any new idea to find his way into Senator Harding’s office. Even if it killed him which, in all honesty, it just might.

When considering his demise, Jonah waltzed to Dan’s side, ruining his entire morning. Now, he really wished he was dead.

“Dan with a plan, what’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Dan swore under his breath, took a deep breath and stared up at Jonah’s dead expression.

Why him?

“Well, if it isn’t the Jack Off of all trades himself.”

As per usual, Richard was right beside Jonah with a stupid smile plastered to his face –or maybe it was Ryan? Roy? Dan couldn’t remember his name and, honestly, he couldn’t give half a fuck.

What’s his fuck’s name beamed. “Oh, that’s very clever. You see sir, Mr. Egan used the first letter of your name to make a play on words suggesting that you- “

Jonah held up his hand to his assistant, in hopes he would stop speaking; Roger complied.

Dan was in awe. Was he really spending a millisecond of his morning to talk to two dipshits?

‘Well as much as I would like to stay for an Abbott and Costello routine, I’ve got much better things to do with my time –like taking a shit.”

Dan sauntered off leaving the two behind. However, Jonah was not quite finished.

“That’s too bad, Dan,” he called out, “because I had some very interesting information for you.”

Dan didn’t stop and continued to walk. “Like how to stop having sex with women? Think you’ve got that covered, buddy.” Dan smiled at an intern walking opposite him and took one last swig of coffee.

Jonah started to laugh, “you WISH, Dan. I pull all day, every day. I could be pulling a sweet honey right now if- “

Dan heard Richard speak up, “Um, sir, the point?”

Jonah was in mid thought and shook his head, “Right, right.” He called out again just as Dan was about to turn the corner, “Senator Harding, perhaps?”

Dan stopped dead in his tracks, spun a 180 and marched straight to Jonah and Richard.

Dan sighed, ‘Alright, what do you have and it better be quick.”

Jonah gave his dumb ass grin; it was the kind of grin your creepy uncle gives you when the turkey is being stuffed. “Why, Dan, it seems we have a change of tune.” Jonah turned to Richard and they both smiled.

Richard spoke, “Ah, yes, it would seem Mr. Egan has completed, what you would call a 360.”

Dan was at the tipping point to losing his mind. Even though he already lost it before, it was going to happen with him strangling Jonah and Richard with his bare hands. But, maybe another day.

Dan put his palms together and closed his eyes tight, “It’s a 180, not a 360 you fucking imbecile.”

When Dan opened his eyes, he saw Richard doing the math out loud tracing a circle mid-air with his finger.

Richard shook his head, “Oh, right! I added and extra 60. Silly me.”

Jonah looked to Richard and nodded in agreement.

Dan was silent for a moment, but screamed so loud the damn aliens in area 51 could probably hear him, “WHAT. ABOUT. SENATOR. FUCKING. HARDING?!”

Jonah looked around to see that the hallway was mostly deserted.

“So, you can’t seem to get in touch with his secretary, huh?”

Dan’s eyes became so wide they almost popped out of his skull. “AND?”

Jonah snickered a bit, “You might want to thank Amy Brookheimer for that.”

Dan just about had a seizure. He should have known Amy would do something this low to ego, but this was taking the cake. Dan ran off in the other direction toward the oval office at turbo speed.

FUCK Amy Brookheimer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, Veeple!   
> Thanks for all the support and I am very happy people seem to really enjoy the story so far. So Amy and Dan are both willing to strangle the other. What happens next?


	3. The Shit Before the Storm

The Shit Before the Storm

Dan sprinted towards the Oval Office at lightning speed, cursing to himself.

How could she do this to him? Sure, he was an asshole and he knew that, but Amy was no Mother Theresa herself. This was it. This was the final straw. He was going to kill her.

He arrived at Sue’s desk placing both palms on the desk as Sue was madly typing away. Sure, he wanted to murder Amy, but even he wasn’t going to get past Sue.

He caught his breath for a moment. “Sue,” he huffed, “is Amy in there?” as he pointed towards the door to Selina’s office.

Sue gave one of her displeased looks to Dan, which was 99% of all her facial expressions, “Um, yes but POTUS is in there too. So you would be well advised to turn around and walk away.”

Dan groaned and started to turn away as Sue stood up from her desk. Dan, sneakily, eyed Selina’s office door.

Sue glared at Dan, catching him in the act. “You. Wouldn’t Dare.”

Dan shrugged, but watched Sue carefully as she started to move towards the door.

In that moment, Dan leaped at the handle and rushed in before Sue could process what just happened and followed him in.

Dan saw Selina swinging in her chair and Amy was seated on one of the couches looking over piles of paperwork.

Selina, startled by Dan’s presence, sat up, “Dan, what the fuck are you doing here?”

Sue came forward, “I’m so sorry Madame President. I told Dan that you were in a meeting, but he just leapt at the door like a wild animal.”

Selina put a hand to her forehead, “thank you Sue. You can leave. But try to watch out for other wild animals attacking my office doors.”

Sue nodded, gave a sneer at Dan and left the room closing the door behind her.

Selina was about to speak, but Dan interrupted her train of thought.

“Apologies, ma’am.” Dan stuttered and looked over to Amy, “I just needed a word with your campaign manager.”

Amy didn’t raise her eyes from all the piles of paper in front of her.

“Sorry, Daniel, but I am in the middle of some important paperwork with Selina, if you don’t mind.”

“Actually, I do mind,” Dan despised it when people called him Daniel, almost like they were looking down at him, and Amy was no exception. “I really need to speak with you. Right. Now."

Selina cleared her throat, “And what am I, Dan? The motherfucking dog you forgot to feed?”

Jesus. Dan almost forgot that Selina was even in the room.

“I’m sorry, Madame President, but…”

Selina marched over to Dan pointing her finger in his face.

“Did you just say but? It sounded like you said BUT to the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.”

At this point, Dan was so close to punching Selina in the face he could just imagine 20 security guys pouncing on top of him. But he was not about to go to prison to become someone’s bitch. So he decided to refrain.

“Um, right ma’am. Sorry ma’am.” Dan uttered.

Selina groaned and turned to her desk. Dan eyed Amy and he swore he could see her snickering to herself. This only made Dan _more_ pissed off.

Selina sat at her chair and clasped her hands under her chin.

“Amy, Dan?” she sighed closing her eyes. “Just get out of my fucking face. Especially you, Dan.”

Amy rose immediately from her seat and shuffled all of her paperwork together, stuffing it in her bag, and followed a disgruntled Dan outside of Selina’s office. Amy shut the door behind her letting out a small laugh as Dan cupped his hands over his face.

“So, Dan” Amy snickered, “what was it that was so important you just had to talk to me about?”

Dan spun around to face Amy’s smug expression.

“Senator Harding’s secretary, perhaps?”

Amy rolled her eyes, “Wow, Dan, I’ve never seen you this jealous. You know, green isn’t really your color.”

“What did you say to her.”

Amy shrugged, “Just the usual girl chat. You know, reforms, bills, your douchebag tendencies…” Amy trailed off.

Dan put his hands on his hips, “Damnit Amy! I had his approval of the bill in the bag!”

Amy sneered, “You do not get to yell at me. You should be thanking me.”

Dan scoffed, “Thanking you? Reaallly?”

Amy crossed her arms, “Selina wanted the bill torched. So I just let her know what a sleaze bag you were to stop the bill cold.”

Dan stood for a moment with his mouth wide open. Damn, this is the exact same behavior he would expect of himself. He put a hand to his face.

“Why was I not informed of this?”

Amy squinted at him, “Why would you be interested about this? Are you the campaign manager?”

If only Dan could ram that title down Amy’s throat, all his problems would be solved.

“I. FUCKING. SLEPT. WITH. HER.”

Amy chuckled, “The decision was made after you slept with her, pea brain. But good hustle on your part.” She patted his arm and glided past him out of the outer office.

Dan shook his head and trailed after her, “If you think I’m finished, you must be insane.”

Amy’s voice called out, “Dan, you always finish early.”

“Was that a remark about my sex life? What would you know anything about that?”

Their bickering continued back and forth, until their voices, eventually, trailed off.   

Sue emerged from the office supply closet, with wide eyes. She shook her head and went into Selina’s office. Selina looked up from her desk, relieved that it was only Sue.

“Oh, hi Sue. What a shit fuck, am I right?”

Sue nodded, “My apologies for not stopping Dan from entering ma’am. He had a mind of his own.”

“If I could just kill them both at the same time, I would do it.”

Sue glanced to the floor, “Of course, ma’am.”

Selina leaned back in her chair, “You don’t think I could do it, do you?”

Sue paused, “No, I don’t think so, ma’am.”

Selina whipped her glasses off, “Yeah, you’re probably right. But damn it if they aren’t busting my balls here.”

Sue nodded.

“Well I might not kill them, but I’ve got an idea that’s just as good.”

Selina smiled at Sue, “It's time to assemble the team.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sue hurried off to the door, stopping. She turned to Selina.

“The team, ma’am?”

“Yes, the team, Sue.”

Sue thought for a moment, “The Navy?”

Selina sighed, “No.”

“NATO?”

“NO.”

“National Security?”

“Just bring Kent, Mike, and Ben. Immediately.”

Sue nodded and turned in the opposite direction. Some kind of team this was going to be.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Veeple! 
> 
> Only a few more days to go until the season premiere of Veep! Will Dan and amy finally hook up? I can only hope....
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More on the way soon!


	4. The Almost Avengers

“Ma’am!”

Selina looked up from her desk to see Mike burst through her office door, panting before her.

“I swear to you,” Mike said as he gasped for air, “I Had nothing to do with it. Just because…”

“What in the wide world of fuck are you talking about?” Selina stated looking at him.

She was staring at him just like he asked her to donate two of her kidneys to his dying cousin.

Mike realized he just made another huge mistake, “Um, nothing in particular and nothing that I had to do with.”

He was thankful that Selina did not hear about his latest PR blunder and his job was safe for another 45 minutes. Thank God for that. Mike looked around the room as Selina continued to stare him down. He tried to think of something, _anything_ , to talk about when Kent and Ben rushed in. Mike sighed of relief.

“You called, Madame President?” Kent spoke folding his hands in front of him.

Selina glanced at her watch, “Well, it’s about time you two. You missed the bumbling gingerbread man over here.” She gestured to Mike who raised his hand in agreement.

“Apologies, Madame President. While in the midst of brewing my daily lunch of udon noodles and…”

“And now everyone within earshot has fallen asleep to that chiller of a story, thanks Alfred Hitchcock.”

Kent was seething, probably very similar to the temperature of his noodles.

“What did you want us about, ma’am?” Ben urged.

Selina stood up from her chair and went over to couches to sit down.

Selina threw her hair back, “It’s about two certain pains in my ass.”

Mike looked more confused as usual, “Well, I mean Advil always works for…”

Selina ran her hand over her face, “I meant metaphorically, Mike.”

Mike decided to shut up.

Kent snapped his fingers, “Amy and Dan.”

Mike and Ben joined in a chorus of “Ah.”

Selina nodded, “I mean Dan has his own psychopathic tendencies and Amy is her own sense of neurotic.”

Ben looked at his phone, “It’s almost like they belong together,” he stated matter-of-factly.

At this moment, Gary quietly knocked on the door and waited by the door with a small cup and saucer in his hand. Selina gestured for him to enter.

“Hey, ma’am. I have your oolong jasmine tea with equal parts of honey and sugar.” He set the cup down, in front of Selina, on the mahogany coffee table. Gary also pulled a small package from his pocket, placing it on the china.

“Oh, and I added a shortbread biscuit as an extra.”

“Just excellent, Gary.” Selina took a pause to take a sip from her cup and pointed to Ben, “that’s exactly what I was thinking, Ben. If they were together 99% of my problems would be over.”

Gary perked up, “Dan and Amy?”

Everyone in the room stared at Gary.

“W-What?” Gary stuttered.

“How in the hell did you know who we were talking about?” Ben uttered.

Gary gave a light, nervous chuckle, “I mean, it’s kind of obvious. The jealously, the bickering, the secret, romantic rendezvous…”

Gary looked through his valise and pulled out a small, metal spoon.

Selina stood up and smacked the spoon out of Gary’s hand. Gary jumped back, startled.

“For God’s sake, Gary, forget the FUCKING SPOON. What do you know?!”

Gary looked around the room, knowing that there was no way out of this one.

“I-I don’t know. One day I saw Amy come in the office and her hair was all askew. Dan came in two minutes after, adjusting his tie furiously, and they hardly spoke to each other all day. It just seemed obvious, that’s all.”  

Selina turned to a star struck Mike, Ben, and Kent.

“Sue knew this too.” Gary added.

Selina groaned, did she actually know anything that was happening in her office?

“SUE!”

Sue hurriedly entered the office, “Ma’am?”

Selina placed her hands on her hips. “What do you know about Amy and Dan?”

“Other than the fact that I know about their one time hook up in the janitor’s closet two months ago?”

“Okay, get out of my fucking sight Sue.”

Sue nodded and quickly left the room, closing the door behind her.

Mike returned to the conversation, “Ma’am, don’t feel bad. I didn’t know about it either.”

Selina turned to him, “Mike, you know nothing about anything. So, do _you_ think that statement helps the situation?”

Mike looked down, “Um, no.”

“Yes, no is the correct answer.”

“Ma’am, what exactly do you want us to do?” Kent suggested.

“I’ll tell you exactly what you’re going to do. Here’s my plan.”

Everyone gathered around Selina and Gary was about to leave when Selina called for him.

“Gary? You’re going to be my number one.”

*******

Kent, Mike, and Gary exited Selina’s office.

“Well, this should be interesting,” Kent calculated.

“Yeah, no shit. We better get started though. Selina sounded desperate.” Ben started walking with the rest of the team following closely behind.

Mike was still a bit stumped, “Honestly, how the hell did _Gary_ get in on this plan? Did anyone pick up on that?”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Hell if I know how country mouse got to be number one. Hope he doesn’t screw this up.”

“Um, guys, I’m right behind you.” Gary mentioned, trying to keep up.

Kent stopped and the rest followed suit.

“We’ve got to start right away. But let’s start with Dan first. His vulnerability will do well in this situation.”

Gary was beaming, “This is so exciting! It’s like we’re the Almost Avengers or something!”

Gary put his hand in the center of their circle, hoping the rest would also do the same.

“AVENGERS UNITE.”

Ben, Kent and Mike just stared at Gary. Gary wasn’t sure if they heard him.

“I said, AVENGERS UNITE!”

“Let’s go find Dan.” Kent suggested.

Ben and Mike agreed and followed Kent, leaving Gary behind with his arm still extended. Gary put down his arm slowly.

“Avengers unite….” Gary said in a disappointed tone, but ran to catch up with the others.

And so, The Almost Avengers were formed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Things are definitely heating up. Amy and Dan have no idea what's in store for them, thanks to the Almost Avengers. The next chapter probably won't be written until next week (Boo finals) but we'll see what happens!


	5. Hell Hath Frozen Over

Dan ducked into the press room to escape from the DC douchebags, namely Jonah and literally anyone else. Dan sighed of relief as he closed the door behind him. Blackberry in hand, Dan stepped up to the mahogany podium sitting on the stage facing the sea of empty chairs. Dan could see himself addressing hundreds of journalists, and even the putzy web bloggers, as the President of the United States of America. He could see his name in lights now, shining on the marquees everywhere in America. Okay, yes, it was a little too Hello Dolly for his taste, but it still seemed great in theory. As Dan was planning his five-year plan because, let’s face it, if anyone could be president in five years it was Dan and Dan Egan only. Dan gripped his hands on the edges of the podium and smirked a little thinking about the one person who could beat him to the Oval Office.

At that moment, the door to the press room started to open. Dan ducked down behind the podium.

A millisecond after Dan decided to do this, he questioned himself why he even did this in the first place. Now he had to stay in this godforsaken place until the coast was clear. Who else would be in here besides him?

Meanwhile on the other side of Dan’s safe haven, Kent rolled inside. He raised his hand for complete silence. Kent’s eyes scoured the room for any sign of life. He saw Dan enter the room just a minute ago, so he had to be in there somewhere. Luckily Kent spotted, behind the podium, one of Dan’s feet sticking out in plain sight. Kent gave a thumbs up as the rest of the group followed suit and entered.

“Are we alone?” Kent asked to the rest of the group.

Now the plan was in full swing.

“Let’s just get the over with,” Ben groaned.

Dan was really in for it now. Even if he was going to be president in five years, Kent and Ben were still his supervisors and he had to make a planned escape. If he was found he shuddered to think of all the possible ways he would be skinned alive.

Putting his phone in his suit pocket, Dan got on his hands and knees and began to crawl towards the back exit of the stage He inched slowly away, making sure he would not be noticed.

Unfortunately for Dan, the Somewhat Avengers saw every one of his moves.

Gary cleared his throat, “so what was that about Dan?”

Dan quickly stopped in his tracks and and treated back to the safety of his podium. Dan shook his head, “this better be good”, he thought to himself.

Gary punched Mike in the arm, who was, as usual, staring off into space.

“OW!”

Kent, Ben and Gary glared at him.

“Oh, um, sorry just some intense heartburn. Ow.”

“Well, what did you hear, Mike? About DAN?” Kent urged.

“Just from what Amy said.”

Dan was seething. Just perfect, now Amy was probably talking more trash about him. At least this time he would have a one up on her, for future reference. Now, he had to hear this.

“Well, spill the beans, Mike. I have currently been away from my mug for twenty minutes, so hurry it up a little.” Ben was not having this at all, and the “coffee” in his mug was waiting for him.

“Amy is in LOVE with Dan.” Mike blurted.

Suddenly there was a loud crash behind them. The podium that Dan was sheltered by, fell off of the stage and into the row of seats. Dan quickly jumped from his crouching position and laid flat on the floor of the stage, hoping he would somewhat meld into the carpeting.

Gary put his hand to his mouth, trying to control his muffled laughing, but soon calmed himself. He put his hands to his temples, “Amy? Dan? LOVE?”

Mike rolled his eyes, he hadn’t seen this much overacting since the time Selina gave a speech on world peace and the importance of friendship in troubled times.

“Y-Yes. That’s what Amy said.”

Kent rubbed his forehead, “How did all of this come to surface?”

“Sue overheard her on the phone or something. Amy was saying how she couldn’t hide it anymore and how Dan is such a colossal douchebag there’s no way she could tell him her true feelings.”

Dan, currently, was still on the floor of the stage trying to process everything that was happening. He knew he had to get out of there, but there was no way he was missing this conversation even if Kim Jong-un himself started setting the White House on fire.

Ben shook his head and started slowly walking towards Dan’s position on the stage, “What is she going to do?”

Dan heard the sound of footsteps approach him. Dan pulled his arms in and decided to roll off the stage to get away from the impending footsteps.

Unfortunately, Dan didn’t get too far and only rolled a few inches. He resorted to using his hands to push himself off the floor away from the main stage until he rolled too far and ended up falling off the stage, followed by a loud bang.

The whole group was trying to restrain their laughs through muffled snickers.  
Mike calmed himself and followed Ben to the stage, scratching the back of his head.

“You’re talking about Amy Brookheimer, right? She’ll probably just hide these feelings for the rest of her life, just like she has done for years.”

“But, why Dan of all people?” Kent questioned.

Gary chimed in, “Um, they are basically the same person and she _finally_ realized it. They are the only two people in all of DC who are as malicious and conniving as they are. And the physical attraction is so OBVIOUS.” Gary shouted towards Dan’s side of the stage, hoping he didn’t attain a concussion from his fall.

“Well, Amy’s pride is more powerful than our national anthem, so there’s no way she’s going to let that get in the way of her true feelings,” Ben suggested.

Kent sighed, “you have a point there. Dan is such a pig headed moron, he’d never understand.”

Mike shook his head, “I guess it will never happen. Bummer. It would have been hilarious.”

The group headed to the door to leave, “Yeah, right. The day that happens is the day I stop wetting the bed and having high cholesterol.” Ben snickered at the thought. Everyone else was completely grossed out.

The door closed behind them and the room was silent once more.

Dan perked up his head from his resting place. He got up, rubbing his head where he fell, and sat on the edge of the stage.

Amy loved him? Dan Egan? There was no way. They hated each other, loathed each other, couldn’t stand one another. There was no room for any kind of love or affection. Dan wasn’t even sure Amy was capable of emotion in that sense. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he was even capable of that kind of emotion himself.

Dan bit his thumb nail, deep in thought. Fine, so maybe that wasn’t completely true. Sure, they had that one time hook up in that janitor’s closet a few months ago and he wouldn’t say there was a certain lack of emotion. But, that was just hate sex.

Right?

He thought back to that afternoon. How she pushed him into that closet, her locking the door, his hands on her hips, her tongue on his neck, the small of her back, her—

Dan slapped himself. No way. No way was he going to talk himself into a relationship. He was not the guy who fell in love. He was the guy who would take you out to a nice dinner and leave you the check to grab drinks with another girl. That’s always how it was for Dan Egan and he was not about to change his lifestyle for some girl.

Dan thought to himself again. In all honesty, Amy wasn’t just some girl. She was the woman he could scheme with, humiliate other people with, publicize political scandals with, have straight up conversations with. She was the one who tells you exactly what she thinks and doesn’t care for the consequences. She was a Dan Egan. And he was an Amy Brookheimer.

She was the most powerful, most attractive, most brilliant, and the cleverest woman in all of DC and probably the rest of the country. Dan stood up and smiled to himself, but his smile soon faded and put a hand to his face.

Shit.

Hell has frozen over, because Dan Egan realized he was in love with Amy Brookheimer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Veeple people! 
> 
> So this will definitely be the last chapter to be uploaded until my finals are over. Hope you enjoy this one, this was probably my favorite chapter I wrote.
> 
> Leave a comment and thank you guys so much for reading!


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